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Friday, February 16th, 2007
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9:16 pm - Engaged
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I'm getting married. Save the date. June 7, 2008. I'm so happy!
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 11th, 2006
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10:42 pm
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I can finally swallow again. I am so happy.
Chris is coming to my sister's wedding. I am so excited that he is coming down for the weekend to meet my family. It really means alot to me that he is and that he actually wants to. He's amazing.
Not much is going on. Everyday is the same, yet it is so different. I get up, go to work, come home, talk to Chris, sleep. I finally enjoy it. I'm enjoying life lately. I love it.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, March 31st, 2006
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12:15 am
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Today was an okay day. I actually like had a pretty good day, for once. My feelings and emotions and thoughts dont make sense to me right now so I dont really know how to put them in words.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
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1:03 am
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I decided today that I suck at life. I suck at making people happy. And I suck at doing the right thing. I am a failure at life. I wish I could make everyone happy. I am so glad I have a friend like Josh left. He is the only one I have that truly cares even though sometimes I know he doesn't really understand me, at least he tries. I am so lucky for that.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, March 20th, 2006
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1:00 am - Long time, no see!
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It's been forever since I have written in this thing, but I finally decided to update! Let's see what has changed... I moved out after I graduated and now I'm moving back in with the 'rents. I quit Quizno's and now I work at Harris Teeter and Domino's Pizza. I take classes at Forsyth Tech at night and on Saturday mornings. I made the biggest mistake of my life since the last time I updated. I pretty much hate life lately, well I have since I was about 14 years old, so that's nothing knew.
Well, it's not that I hate life. It's more like every night before I go to bed, I hope I don't wake up. And all day long, there is something in the back of my mind that is pulling me down, making me feel confused, sad, angry at everything. I can't think of the last time I didn't cry myself to sleep. The littlest, meaningless things make me cry the hardest. Somedays I'll have a good day and I won't cry, but everyday I am always upset over nothing. I have no reason to be depressed, yet I still have these feelings of not belonging somewhere, of not being wanted and that's my biggest fear. I need to be wanted. I need to be needed. Not necessarily in a romantic way, because I don't believe in love, but just in general. My whole outlook of life has changed in the past few months.
I decided I don't want to get married, or have kids. It's meaningless to me, because in the end, you'll only have tears and memories. Why go through that?
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, August 22nd, 2005
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10:32 pm
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I'm not ready to grow up. I was thinking, I am going to be an adult in 7 months and I'm not ready. I feel like my teenage years and childhood have gone by way to fast. And I realized tonight, that I am going to be moving out in (hopefully) four and a half months. My parents signed the papers for the condo today and that basically means its there waiting for me. Once I finish those exams on January 13th, I'll be out of my parents house. I'm scared. That all depends on if I get a new job. I have to have a full time job getting paid at least three dollars more an hour than I get paid now to pay for all that I have to pay for when I move out. I can't believe that I'll be in college in January and most likely moving out. Hopefully next August I'll be attending UNC Wilmington. It's a crazy thought. I'm not ready at all. I'm not ready, yet I can't wait for it all to happen. =) But I'll be getting some extra money when I graduate from my grandparents which will really help out a lot. =) Life is great. =)
Ryan came to see me this weekend. We went shopping, then to eat at Sagebrush. Then we went and saw Dukes of Hazard. It was a good movie. Next weekend he is coming up on Friday. We haven't decided what we are going to do yet. I like having a "significant other" without the commitment. I have too much going on right now to worry about a boyfriend. He's my weekend lover. Heh. Nah, he is a really great guy and I am very lucky to have someone who treats me as good as he does. I can honestly say I've never had a guy call me as faithfully and do everything he says he will do like Ryan has.
School starts Thursday. I'm not ready for school, but I'm ready for it to be over in 4 months! High School has gone by fast and for that I am extremely thankful.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, August 11th, 2005
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12:22 am
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So Megan moved out today. For good. Rachel moves out on the 26th. =( One more sister to go until it is just me again. It's gonna be weird. Well, I moved most of my stuff back up into Meg's room. Heh, I keep changing my mind about where I want my room to be. I think I'll stay in this room. I have all of Meg's furniture except the desk. I have to go get one sometime. I have a waterbed now. =) Yay.
Ashton and I head for the beach on Saturday! Yippee! I can't wait!
Nothing else is really new. Bleh!
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 28th, 2005
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2:15 am
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I've been sitting up for 3 hours thinking... I have no one anymore. I have Ashton, but, I don't know. I really needed to talk to her tonight, but she was with Brittany and wouldn't answer her phone. I know she needs to spend time with her, but I have been so upset lately and it just seems like she's too busy for me. I don't have anyone else in my life that I can talk to anymore. Me and Brittany's friendship got fucked up because... shit, I don't even know. I miss that friendship. Rachel and I... I don't know. She just started getting really busy with all her other friends and forgot about me I guess. Dustin and I... I always loved talking to him. He always knew how to make me feel better, but I don't know... we dated and fucked it up. Heh. Jaspen.... I don't know. He doesn't seem to even like talking to me. That's one friendship I would do anything to get back. Wade and I... hell, I don't know what happened there. I don't even know what happened to my friendships. I used to have such good friends and now I'm down to one. And I miss her. I feel like she's never around. We are just so busy working and shit. On the plus side, I think me and Justin are going to be alright now. I think we'll be able to be good friends again, I hope. I miss all the people I used to hang out with... I really do miss it. =( I wish I could fix all those friendships. But there's no hope with most of them. Everyone's so busy or they hate me now. I hate myself right now.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, July 23rd, 2005
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6:09 pm
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well, last night Brandy and I went and saw a movie. Got home at 2, stayed up until 5. I am freaking tired. We got up at 11 and hung out til 3 when I took her to work. Im so glad i dont have to work this weekend!!! YAY! I am so happy. =)
I have like absolutely no money until Thursday. I hope I can make it until then. I get paid Thursday. I have to work Tuesday through Sunday 4 til close. Then I am going to the lake the first thru the fourth! =)
BEACH IN 20 DAYS!
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
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11:45 pm
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So, I left work at 6 yesterday and left Daniel, Kayla, and Heather there. They left the place looking like shit so Kevin was pissed. But I made up for it tonight, except for the fact that I forgot to clock out. Damn. Not a biggie though. He can fix that easily.
Damn, I really like Daniel, but then I like Ryan. And Ryan really wants to date me. He's been talking about it a lot lately, but I would like NEVER get to see him. =( I really wish it will work out for us. He's such a great person. He truly is. He just asked me to be his girlfriend a few minutes ago. I said I didn't know. I don't want to rush into anything.
One more day of work until I'm free!!!!!
TGIF!
It's finally friday!
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, July 18th, 2005
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11:39 pm
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Wow, what a night. Work went well. I got a little upset when I heard Daniel talking about his girlfriend. I really like Daniel, but there is always that one guy you will like for the longest time but will never get the chance to date. Well, I did go on a date with him, but that's all. It's so crazy. I don't know what happened. I thought it went well, he had his arm around me, kissed my forehead and cheek several times throughout the night. Everything was good, until the next day when he suddenly got "too busy" to talk for a week. Well, that's okay. I wish he would just have said he didn't want to "talk" anymore and I would have been like "that's cool, it just wasn't gonna work out anyways." But to be so immature.... that's low. Anyways, that's cool because I have Ryan. Sort of. lol. Maybe when he gets back I'll decide to try to date him. JUST MAYBE.
It was raining like crazy right before we were leaving work. Daniel, Chris, and I stayed for thirty minutes later then we normally do just because of the rain. We just fucked around. I tripped and fell on the floor and bruised one leg up bad and cut the other. We played in the rain and got soaked. Then we banged on the top of Sobe bottles, breaking the bottoms out of them. It was fun. I love the people I work with. They are awesome. =) They fill my rainy days with sunshine.
I can't wait til the weekend. I don't have to work. And I'm not going in if anyone calls me to. I'm busy doing nothing. =)
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
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12:40 am
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So, I took Tramaine and Robert home from work tonight. Like all night Tramaine was flirting with me which I thought extremely odd seeing as he has a girlfriend. But then when I was dropping him off, he asked for my number. I was like ummmmm okay. I don't mind if he calls me, I just don't want to start any shit with him and his girlfriend or me and his girlfriend. I don't need that shit.
So, I'll get to finally see Ryan August 27th. Ha, that's over a month away. I can't wait.
Kevin said Adam and Chris have been talking about me. I don't know about them. They are strange!
Today was pretty cool, I guess. Nothing too exciting.
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| Sunday, July 10th, 2005
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10:37 pm
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Things have been pretty crappy lately. The only good things in my life are my family, Ash, Mercedes and Ryan. Everything else is kind of down in the dumps. It's so strange to not have a boyfriend. I do kind of like this guy I work with, Adam. But I don't think he looks at me like that. Oh well, who needs them anyways? Ash and I are probably going to Carowinds Sunday. That will be a lot of fun!
We went to Elkin tonight. Nothing really exciting. It was fun to hang with Ash.
I worked all day Sunday. That was a long day. Not bad, just long.
I'm eating Snow Cream right now. It is so fucking good.
I feel lifeless.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
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1:00 am
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I have a new kitten! I am so excited! Her name is Mercedes and she is about 6 weeks old. She is so adorable!
I went and gave blood today. I felt fine until I got up and took like 10 steps and fell and this man had to catch me. Then I ate and drank coke and I felt fine. Then I got home and walked into the kitchen and fell down and ate some chips. I am still very weak.
I have to work every day at four. I work to much. I also do not get paid enough to be manager. I am always having to yell at people to get them to do what they need to do. It's very stressful. But I like being in charge. I like to make sure everything is going how it is suppose to go.
Ryan wants me to meet him at the beach when Ash and I go because he is moving like 30 minutes away. He is actually in New Mexico or Arizona right now working for the summer. So I don't know if I'll meet him. That is suppose to be Ash and mine's time. So I most likely won't.
I decided I like being single alot. I can go out with whoever I want without commitment. I am def. not ready to commit to another relationship after my past few. Actually, I'm just plain not ready for one because I don't need one or want one. I like being able to hang out with different people without someone getting upset or angry. I think I'll stay this way for a while. =) It's fun!
So my room is back in the basement. I love it down here. No one bothers me, I can have my music or TV up without someone complaining. It's awesome. Just Mercedes and me.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
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3:33 pm
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So, Brandon and I broke up Monday. ::sigh:: Too stressful. I felt like I had to change myself for him to make him happy. I hated that. And I hated the way he called me baby. I felt like I couldn't cuss, couldn't dress a certian way, couldn't say certian things. I didn't want to change who I was for him!
Tonight I am going to see a movie with Daniel, a guy from work. He is hilarious. Embarrassing but funny. Yet still can be serious and sweet. Mature yet immature at the right moments. It's great. Anyways, i love his hair. End of story. I decided that is why I am going to the movies with him tonight because I want to play with his hair.
Anyways, I have to do some laundry and get stuff ready then work at 5.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, June 20th, 2005
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1:08 am
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1.) Copy and paste this into your journal:
<*font color="yourusername"> <*b>yourusername<*/b> <*/font>
2.) Eliminate the asterisks.
2 1/2.) Replace "yourusername" with your user name.
3.) See what color you are.
raffle_ticker
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 12th, 2005
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11:35 pm
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So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it
How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love
Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love
So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love
Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love
These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no
Come on, Come on
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love
Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love
We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love (x7)
Accidentally
I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally (X 2)
Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her
Love ...I'm in love
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 4th, 2005
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12:40 am
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I have been having so much fun with Brandon lately. He is a really great guy. And what makes everything better, he is very into church, so I wont have to worry about any "situations". He keeps me from doing the bad things in life that I don't need to do. I am so thankful he has come into my life. He treats me like a Queen, he really does, and I love it. I love it so much. I know I don't have to worry about him trying to do sexual things with me because he is waiting for marriage and I respect that. Actually, I am glad he is. Things like that make relationships complicated. He is the greatest guy to touch the earth.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 26th, 2005
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4:07 pm
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So my job is actually not boring. I enjoy it. It's tiring though.
So Wednesday, I met Brandon at church. I enjoyed church for once. Then we went to eat at Zeko's with some of his friends from church. I have never ate there before. It was pretty good. After that, him and I went to Walmart to get a headlight for the mazda. Well, the light we got was not right, so I have to return it sometime. I had a lot of fun with him. He's a really sweet guy.
Hopefully tonight, Ashton, Mackenzie, Brandon, and I will go out to eat at Caption's Galley. I am waiting for Brandon to call back and let me know if he can go.
I get to go pick up my car today. =) Yay! I haven't seen it in a week. I miss my pretty car. =(
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 21st, 2005
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10:15 pm
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I don't stop breathing every time the phone rings
My heart don't race when someone's at the door
I've almost given up thinking you're ever gonna call
I don't believe in magic anymore
I start my new job tomorrow. =) I'm now an offical employee of Quizno's Subs. This time it's at the one across from the mall near Toys R Us and Marshall's. It's going to be good to have two incomes this summer.
Tomorrow is the last day of school. I can't wait!
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